This chapter is rated PG 13. A couple, very minor swear words that Cole uses in frustration. Kind of expected giving his situation yes? *LOL*
This chapter is a little shorter, then the previous couple. We are getting close to the conclusion of this generation.
Poses by Spladoum HERE
Melancholy poses HERE
Two months later…
Two months…I thought. That’s how long its been since I’ve lain beside my wife, two months since I’ve heard her whisper “I love you.” Two months since I’ve felt complete.
We brought Isabella home two months after the birth of our daughter. She was stable, and medically out of the woods, however still in the coma that ripped apart my entire world. Uncle Aaron, was a huge help. He hooked us up with medical equipment, and an in home health nurse, who didn’t come cheap, but was highly recommended, and had a lot of experience with comatose patients.
Isabella’s coma, had not only destroyed me emotionally, but financially as well. Hospital bills were mounting, and I was seriously debating on having to sell our house which broke my heart. Now days, I slept in the chair in Isabella’s makeshift hospital room. I couldn’t bear sleeping in our bed alone…without her.
Looking at her, you couldn’t tell she was in a coma, sure, she was a bit paler then usual, but her cheeks were flushed with health. She looked like she was sleeping. Sleeping beauty I called her, but try as I might, and I did try…no amount of kisses would wake my Bella up again…
I stood over Isabella, watching her as she slept. Her chest rising and falling evenly. The steady beep of her pulse on the monitor the only sound in the room. As always I begged for a twitch, any small movement that would give me any sort of hope, but there was nothing. I had to face facts…It was possible she would never wake up again.
I read a lot about coma patients. I devoured each and every book I could find on the subject seeking any sort of advice no matter how outrageous it might have seemed.
I filled her room with reminders from our life together, family photos, familiar blankets on her bed, and her favorite flowers, hoping to trigger a reaction by smell. I talked to her day in and day out, read stories, laughed and cried with her as I held her hand.
Day after day…and nothing.
With the homecoming of Isabella, also brought home another arrival. Giselle, our 2 month old daughter, who was still tiny as a new-born, maybe even smaller. But she was now healthy enough to come home. It had been strange naming our daughter alone. For about a month, she was referred too by the hospital staff as Baby girl Gallagher.
Due to my mothers urging, I had to pick a name. “It’s not your daughters fault Cole.” My mom had said “She didn’t cause Isabella’s coma, she is your daughter, and she needs a name. Isabella would want her to have a name.”
So I racked my brains and tried to remember some baby names that Isabella had liked. I named her Giselle after Isabella’s grandmother. I like to think she would be happy with my choice.
Finn was also having a tough time dealing with his mothers coma. It was hard to watch him cry for his mom day in and day out, and see the look of confusion on his little face when he would reach his arms out to his mother, and watch her not open her eyes to receive him like she used too.
He had taken to crying at night. I could hear him from downstairs sometimes calling out “Mama, Mama.” It broke my heart, but how could I comfort him, when my own heart was breaking?
Our nurse, Victoria Knight, was wonderful. If it wasn’t for her, I would have probably gone mad a long time ago. Her first night in the house, she told me sternly “I don’t baby sit, and I don’t cook and clean.” But it wasn’t long before Finn had her charmed, and now, she was like a member of the family.
“Hey little buddy.” I said to Finn, as he played quietly on the floor with his blocks and puzzles.
“Mama?” Finn asked looking up and searching my eyes with his light brown eyes. I sighed, my heart hurting. Was this ever going to get easier?
“Mama’s sleeping little buddy. But tonight, before we go to sleep, let’s go kiss her goodnight.” I tried to be positive, and tried to smile for Finn’s sake. It felt like a sham. I don’t know how he couldn’t hear my heart breaking, or the sounds of tears that were always so close to the surface.
I left Finn to his blocks, and joined Ms. Knight in the kitchen, as she was preparing hotdogs. Even though she told me she didn’t cook, she seemed to do an awful lot of it. I often forgot to eat, eating was the last thing on my mind, and if it wasn’t for her, Finn and I would probably have starved to death…
“Good evening Ms. Knight.” I said tiredly, the smell of the hotdogs reminding me of how hungry I was, and that I hadn’t yet eaten today.
“Victoria please,” she smiled at me. “Cole, I know you’re hurting right now, but you need to start eating. Isabella needs you to be strong, for not just her, but for the kids.”
I grabbed a plate and followed her into the dining room.
“I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said honestly to the nurse.
“I’m glad to help out, I’ve taken quite a liking to your lovely children. Little Finn is going to be a heartbreaker when he gets older.”
“How is she doing?” I asked the hot dog turning to paste in my mouth. “Honestly.”
“Medically, there isn’t anything wrong with her Cole. But coma’s are strange like that. I’ve dealt with coma patients my entire career, and no coma is exactly like another. We wont know anything until she wakes up.”
I pounded my fist on the table, the sound loud and harsh in the silence of the evening. “I’m tired of hearing that….crap!” I burst out. “Tell me something I don’t know. What do you think? Do you think my wife is ever going to wake up again?” To my embarrassment tears streamed down my face.
I felt guilty when I saw Victoria’s eyes widen at my outburst. She was a tough woman, and didn’t take shit from anyone. “You want my honest opinion Cole?” She said briskly. “I think she will wake up, do I know when? No, but even though I’m a medical professional, I believe in miracles. So should you.”
With that, she stood up and pushed in her chair and left the room leaving me there alone to stew in my own thoughts…
Finn was starting to get fussy, like he always did when he got tired. “Alright Finn, lets say night to mama, and go to bed.”
“Night big guy.” I said kissing his forehead. My heart twisted in my chest. I loved him so much, so much that it hurt to look at him. His fine blond hair the same shade as Isabella’s.
Finn began to fuss and scream, reaching out his arms toward me. “Mama?” He asked, making the ache in my heart hurt even more.
“Want me to read you a story?” I asked trying not to cry. I blinked away the tears that clouded my vision, trying my damnedest to keep it together for Finn.
“Story?” Finn asked, and calmed down, sitting back down quietly. He was repeating a handful of words like a little parrot. Isabella would be so proud of him…
“1, 2, 3 little caterpillars…” I read quietly. Finn sat back and I watched his eye lids as they grew heavy. By the time I finished the counting book, he was fast asleep, one hand on his chest as he slept like an angel.
I tucked the blanket up to his chin, and kissed him softly goodnight. “Love you Finn, Mommy loves you too.”
I stood outside of Giselle’s door for the longest time. She was such a quiet baby, and hardly ever cried unless she was hungry or wet, and sometimes not even then.
Quietly, I pushed open the door, and walked into the darkened bedroom. I looked down into the crib, stealing myself for the conflicting mix of emotions I always felt around my baby daughter. Guilt, love, sadness, anger.
But as I looked into her crib she was awake. Our eyes met. Her baby blue eyes locked on mine, and she smiled.
I picked her up gently out of her crib. She was tiny, and felt so fragile. As I held her I felt my heart shatter, then melt. I loved this baby girl who Isabella wanted so badly, that she suffered at the hands of fate just to bring her into this world.
To blame this innocent baby, was terrible. It wasn’t her fault she was born early, she didn’t put her loving mother in the coma. I held her tightly, yet gently, as I rubbed small circles into her tiny back, singing her a lullaby.
“I love you Giselle, I’m sorry if I’ve been such a crappy father to you so far. I love your mom so much.” Tears streamed down my face. “And it’s not your fault…” I could no longer form words as I rocked her back and forth.
Drip drip, the only sound in the room, was the sound of the IV as it dripped fluid into Isabella’s veins, giving her nourishment.
I stood over her bed and watched her sleep. I got down on my hands and knees at her bedside and prayed. I had never been devout, and never been religious, but Isabella grew up having a deep faith that stemmed from her father and grandparents.
I began to talk…
“Finn misses you Bella. I don’t know what to tell him. He thinks you are sleeping, and cries for you every night. Giselle is beautiful. She is such a good baby, and a little fighter. She overcame incredible odds to join this world, and so can you Bella, you can fight this. Just wake up. Please. Just wake up.”
frustrated, I sat down in the arm-chair in the corner and looked down at my knees. I was tired. exhausted, mentally and physically. Soon morning would be here, and I would have to drag my sorry ass to work, to make just enough money to hand it right over to the debt collectors who called night and day.
I sat down on the edge of Isabella’s bed and put my head and my hands and sobbed. Sobbed for Finn, Giselle, and I who needed Isabella to come back to us.
Under the blankets Isabella’s foot twitched…